September 29, 2003
Ambush II
I was innocently slacking in the office today when an iChat window popped up from Max. His opening salvo: "iddle oodle addle". What followed was not so much a conversation as an avant garde performance art piece for an audience of one.Here (with Max's approximate permission) is a sample; note that it had already been going on some time by this point.
- Max: NO NO NO DONT LEAVE ME HERE ITS COLD
- Max: if were very quiet he wont hear us and we can stay safe and snug
- Max: sh dolly sh!
- Max: SHH dolly!
- Max: oh you bad bad dolly HE WILL HEAR YOU STOP
- Max: BAD DOLLY STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT
- Max: oops!
- Max: oh dear
- Max: dolly all broke
- Max: didnt have a willy anyway
- Max: would you like to see my willy?
- Matthew: maybe later
- Max: sh! he will hear you silly
- Matthew: who will?
- Max: max
- Max: max doesnt have a willy and hes very mean and ugly
- Matthew: oh dear
- Matthew: can't have him hearing us, then
- Max: hee, silly.
- Max: oh! my dolly is hurt.
- Max: DONT TOUCH HER SHES MINE
- Max: did you do it?
- Matthew: i don't think so
- Matthew: did you?
- Max: o you bad man
- Max: you said you were nice
- Max: but you hurt my dolly
- Matthew: no, only you said that
- Max: DONT TOUCH HER SHES MINE
- Max: you hurt my dolly with your nasty willy you horrid man DONT TOUCH THAT LEVER
- Max: boys are fancy on the outside
- Max: girls are fancy on the inside
- Max: everybody's fancy
- Max: everybody's fnie
- Max: your bodys fancy
- Max: and so is mine
- Matthew: i expect so
- Max: O NO HES COMING
- Max: sorry about that. cleaning lady playing with my computer again
- Max: how's work?
- Matthew: cleaning lady?
- Max: yeah, you have to watch her. i think she nicks the air freshener once in a while as well.
- Matthew: hmmm.
- Matthew: work is as ever, i guess
- Max: cool
- Max: you there or at home?
- Matthew: there, though not for much longer i imagine
- Matthew: you?
- Max: i don't have work, remember?
- Matthew: yes, but that doesn't tell me where you are, only where you aren't
- Max: at home, cleaning up some weird ripped-up doll that benita left here
- Matthew: benita?
- Max: the cleaning woman
- Max: not much use, really
- Matthew: yes, i made that connection, i'm just raising a sceptical eyebrow at this whole cleaning woman story
- Max: keeps breaking things as well
- Max: oh, did she flirt with you?
- Max: she does that
- Matthew: not as such, no
- Max: i think she's a bit oversexed, to be honest
- Matthew: really
- Max: for her age
- Matthew: which is?
- Max: christ knows. 50? 60?
- Max: if i were straight god knows what might have happened
- Matthew: excuse me?
- Max: she's a very forceful woman
- Matthew: she must be
- Matthew: and yet somehow put off by the mere fact you're queer
- Max: well, it was probably the day i forgot she was coming and left the dildos out
- Matthew: right.
- Matthew: anyway.
- Matthew: writing not going well, then?
- Max: how did you guess?
I'm so glad there are people around willing to put this sort of effort into making my life more surreal.
Posted by matt at September 29, 2003 06:56 PM
Comments
Well.
Posted by: Max at October 1, 2003 12:19 AM
Perhaps.
Posted by: Stairs at October 1, 2003 12:29 AM
Indeed.
Posted by: matt at October 1, 2003 12:37 AM
Syncytiotrophoblast.
Posted by: Faustus, M.D. at October 1, 2003 03:09 AM
aka Plasmodiotrophoblast.
Posted by: Stairs at October 1, 2003 08:01 AM
I think I need to up the dose of my medication...
Posted by: Shyboy at October 1, 2003 09:26 AM
Don't we all?
Posted by: matt at October 1, 2003 11:25 AM
Go off your medication, like me. Then everything is really a trip.
Posted by: Faustus, M.D. at October 1, 2003 12:01 PM
Or perhaps we could all swap meds?
Posted by: Shyboy at October 1, 2003 01:31 PM
Llew.
Posted by: Max at October 1, 2003 01:44 PM
Swapping meds seems like the best idea anybody has had in a long while.
Posted by: Faustus, M.D. at October 2, 2003 01:29 PM
Comments for this post are now closed, but feel free to email me if you have something interesting to say.
