Turn Again

As always, I promise nothing, except, sooner or later, to betray; and that threat has lingered so long without adequate fulfilment as to be almost laughable by now.

I was concerned, briefly, while writing Re-emergence, that I was too obviously giving voice to my most tediously miserable tendencies; that all the fun of Walky Talky had been sucked out by some profound sea-change in my demeanour; that it was no longer somewhere even I could stand to be, let alone my few long-suffering readers. Then I looked back at the principal predecessors to what I was writing, and realised the sorry truth: I've always been a gloomy motherfucker. In particular, the whole Low Life storyline, all the way back to its earliest adolescent incarnations more than two decades ago, when it was called Underland, has always revolved around grief. Grief just seems to me to be the human condition, or at least an inescapable and vital part of it, however delightful our day-to-days may be.

So, don't take the story as too much of an indication. We're still only scratching the surface on that one, and probably always will be. Sorrow and misery are keynotes, but that doesn't mean it won't have a happy ending :)

There are many reasons to be cheerful, actually. It's really spring, at long last. Yesterday was beautiful. I spent a rather extended lunch hour just walking around town, soaking up the sunshine. Lincoln's Inn Fields was particularly lovely, as were several shirtless men lying in it. How difficult was it to go back to the office after that?

I'd shy away from anything as clinical as an S.A.D. diagnosis, but winter makes me unhappy in a pretty all-consuming way, and the return of convincing sunlight buoys me up as few things can. Rejoice, people.

There's more, but I have to keep something to write about tomorrow, and the next day, and the next. (Um. Possibly. No promises, of course.) In the meantime, perhaps I'll go out dancing again...
Posted by matt at April 22, 2005 11:53 PM