Random 7

The first avocado on the scene was Officer Reed. He called for backup, but it didn't arrive in time to save him from being prawn cocktailed. In his comrades' subsequent efforts to bring the perpetrator to justice, no stone was left unturned; and in the end, though not before much hand-wringing in the press, the hunt bore fruit.

It was the trial of the century, televised worldwide, lasting for months. Lawyers traded grandstanding and technical ruses. The judge had frequently to beat them into submission with an egg-whisk, so exasperating did their ploys become.

When, after the drawn-out delaying shenanigans finally ran dry, the evil masterchef deigned to take the stand, his long-nurtured show of contrition was quickly exposed for a shameless sham. He was proud of this culinary atrocity! Dark rumours spread that it wasn't his first.

"I couldn't help myself," he said, scrabbling for justification as the courgettes dragged him away. "He was so round and tender, his rich green skin cried out for the knife! He wanted it! He made me do it!"

Public opinion was united, crowds baying for juice to be spilled. There would be no right of a peel.

He was pickled at dawn, and all rejoiced and agreed that it was just and proper retribution for so heinous a crime.
Posted by matt at September 19, 2005 11:10 PM