The Answer

I've never been attracted to the institution of marriage. It has always seemed too much a weapon of social control. Why should the intimate relationships and commitments between people be a matter of public record, let alone subject to such detailed and hidebound prescription by the powers that be? Is one such arrangement better than another simply because some minor official or -- god help us -- the church happens to say so? Will a certificate make you happier or more loving?

When gay activists started agitating for homosexual partnerships to be enshrined in law, I'm afraid I couldn't help feeling that we'd basically run out of things to fight for. Equality is a fine goal in all things, but it carries so much more urgency when it's about not being killed or beaten or imprisoned or sacked or disgraced. Doilies, tuxedos and royal icing just don't have the same power for me. They're hardly the stuff of protest songs.

I looked on in bemusement, over the last few years, as gay marriage turned into such a raging battleground, especially in the US. It's hard not to see some of the things that have happened, the grotesque laws and constitutional amendments, as expressions of a profound sickness in the American body politic; but does the hysterical fervour and effectiveness of the bigots make marriage itself any better or more vital, any less compromised?

Well, maybe it does. Anything that pisses off the religious right that much has to have something going for it.

Here in the UK, it seems, the war has been won. No doubt there remain other battles to fight, other skirmishes. But, for the time being, they appear fairly trifling. Perhaps there is a little time, now, to enjoy the spoils.

And there are benefits, undoubtedly, to having one's partnership recognised. The personal is political, yes, but it is also practical. You have to live in the real world, to interface with officialdom all the time. Do couples deserve tax breaks? Most likely not. Do they deserve to be accepted as next of kin for the purposes of things like access to hospital wards and inheritance and being notified in the case of accidents and all that? Abso-fucking-lutely.

And beyond that, there's the relationship itself. It is, frankly, pretty difficult to come up with an acceptable reason to say "no" to someone you've loved and lived with for more than a decade, through hell and high water, and fully expect to be with for the rest of your joint lives. Someone, really, you are already married to in every meaningful way.

So.

For better or for worse? For richer or for poorer? In sickness and in health?

Like, duh!
Posted by matt at December 6, 2005 09:57 PM