Parenting

For a start, about Ian's godson. Oliver is a splendid child, and hopefully will one day be a splendid man. He has recently acquired a sister, who we shall call Tilly. These sprogs' parents are Toby and Sam. Toby used to be gay (indeed, I slept with him; I'm sure those OutRage! days will fuel other posts sooner or later) and Sam used to be a militant lesbian. Sam is, I think, rather overprotective, but otherwise I find it difficult to imagine more perfect parents (my own excepted, of course).

Sometimes in the gay community we react badly to people who have turned. It's as if they've somehow betrayed us. In some cases, that may be so -- born-again ex-gays campaigning against gay rights are a profoundly depressing sight -- but in most cases they are simply being true to what they feel and we should celebrate them, not cast them out.

It doesn't matter who you have sex with. What matters is what you think, and how you treat people, how you behave. People who have had homo experience should make good straights, because they know what it's all about. In my more optimistic moments I imagine a world filled with Sams and Tobys, straight(ish) parents with an understanding of gay life. I imagine them raising (mostly straight) children who also understand. Looking at Ollie and Tilly, it's not that hard to imagine. (Of course, Ollie also has his godfather to lead him on the way.)

It's a banal truism, but everyone is someone's child; not everyone is someone's parent. Parenting is not easy, and the only way to find out if you can do it is to try. I'm never going to, but I salute those who do.

Which leads me back to my own parents, and something I don't think I can say without sounding sentimental. Well fuck that, sentiment has its place. I was the luckiest child in the world. I had -- and have -- the best parents anyone ever had. With razor-sharp intelligence. With unlimited depths of understanding. With a breadth of experience and a powerful recognition of how things are and how they should be, and a sense of right and wrong and justice and love that will always be with me. Anything that is right in me is down to them; everything wrong is despite them. Peter, Lesley: I love you both, always.

Of course, neither of them yet knows this blog exists :)
Posted by matt at August 3, 2003 02:02 AM