August 22, 2006
Approach Vector
A canonical example of geek humour is the following, which I randomly re-encountered yesterday in a book on algorithms:
Here's another one, less well-known but funnier, which serves as epigraph to the first chapter of K Borovkov's Elements of Stochastic Modelling:
At that moment the mathematician paid for his beer and the engineer got a glimpse of his well-fattened wallet. Obviously here was a man who knew something about horses. The engineer demanded to know his secret.
"Well," said the mathematician, "first I assumed all of the horses were identical and spherical..."
This probably seems disproportionately hilarious to someone about to spend four years Modelling Biological Complexity. In the taxonomy of geekdom, I undoubtedly classify closer to the engineer than the mathematician, but -- as might be clear from assorted posts on this very blog -- I have a natural affinity for abstraction. Whether I have a corresponding aptitude remains to be seen.
I finish work -- abdicate my always ambivalent professional life -- in less than three weeks. It seems at one level like a miraculous release, but what follows fills me with absolute terror.
Who on Earth do I think I'm fooling?
Yes, I have more years of battlefield experience in more variations of my soi-disant profession than any of my fellow students are likely to be able to claim. I routinely deal with situations that would probably give them the screaming heebie-jeebies -- but so does any local council street sweeper. There's a difference between the tactical and logistical understanding that I might, in dim light and with a following wind, bring to the activity and any kind of scientific insight. I can usually see my way through practical design and implementation problems, but that doesn't mean I know anything, much less have the breadth of mathematical or biological understanding my barely post-pubescent peers will be bringing to CoMPLEX. I'm about to be the big, slow-witted fish in a small pond full of vicious fucking piranhas, with a sign saying "EAT ME" surreptitiously taped to my dorsal fin.
Going back to school is quite clearly the stupidest decision in a lifetime of stupid decisions. Starting at APT had its disturbing aspects -- mostly, it disturbed my sleep for the first couple of months -- but I never really doubted I could make it work. By contrast, this PhD malarkey scares the shit out of me.
By the same token, I can't wait.
Posted by matt at August 22, 2006 09:56 PM
I think I know a bit about how you feel. And I've just dug myself in deeper...
Posted by: flerdle at August 23, 2006 12:23 AM
But really of course you know how exciting it is. I'm hoping you will blog the experience extensively.
Posted by: Max at August 23, 2006 08:44 AM
I agree with Max. I hope you blog your experience extensively.
Your new peers will be like your old peers, Matt. In awe of you.
Good luck.
Posted by: Keith at August 24, 2006 02:53 PM
I suspect that your excitement outweighs your trepidation quite substantially ;)
Which is as it should be. You're going to love it, I'm sure.
Posted by: Sin at August 25, 2006 05:51 AM
I want to share the geekiest joke I ever made, but nobody who wasn't a Chomskian linguist would get it.
Oh, what the hell, here goes, just in case.
I came to syntax class one day having failed to turn in my homework the previous class. The professor asked what had happened, and I said, "Oh, I handed it in at LF."
The whole class, including the professor, burst into laughter.
Sigh.
Posted by: Faustus, M.D. at August 29, 2006 02:46 PM
